Read at your own peril. This was written by an unexperienced twelve year old who is better at prose. Actually, it was technically written by an eleven year old....Oh, and it's free verse.
Clear blue sky,
dark grey clouds,
vaulting happiness reaches so high,
low black heavens.
Meaningless meanings,
yet sweet and bright.
Meaningful meaningless,
great and no light.
Sun-kissed dancing ,
twisting of words,
honest and brutal,
but not quite cruel.
Not one but two-
what to choose.
Plunging and deep
or carefully mended, but not shallow.
Care for each other or
fend for yourself;
pipe dream or else
an eternal truth.
Okay, I'm no good at poetry. So constructive criticism, please...I need it. Still not good at this. I think I need to lengthen it, too.
EDIT: Oops, sorry. Accidentally deleted it. I'm still not entirely comfortable with this site. Now I have to post it again....
8 comments:
Hmm...it's about...uh....well, it's kind of a metaphor for life, using the contrast of cloudy/dark skies and clear/bright skies.
Weird little thing. I can't quite remember, since I really did write it so long ago. I think it's odd that the first thing I posted is poetry, and it's probably going to be the second thing too! I wrote an ode to clovers in Lang. Arts class, and I think it came out pretty cool.
Another of my problems: I make my poems too hazy. I never actually state anything! Hey, wait a minute, I'm the only one constructive criticizing myself! Leah!
Nothing wrong with hazy. A poem can just be playing with sounds and words. It doesn't have to mean anything. That way if someone reads something into it you can say they're right and if someone else sees something then they're right too.
But then again, this poem DID have a point to begin with...*sobsob* Ah, well, I think I've gotten a bit better at the hazy thing, if that makes me feel any better.
OOO, I'm going to go post my Ode to Clovers now! (It has a very obvious reason behind it, of course- it's an ODE.)
I didn't mean to say your poem didn't have a theme. I just meant that the theme doesn't have to be overly obvious. The dichotomy of living in yours is nice but not "in your face" which is good.
OOOh, no, I'm not saying you're insulting me, or anything of the like. ....I was kind of....making fun of myself. I suppose you start feeling that way when someone finishes your poem and asks: What was it about? ....Leah.....:P
But I'll try never to be "in-you-face" with my topics, just for you, Ed. Ack...I'd hate to do that anyway. I love everyting nice and mysterious...
Criticism is hard. It's best to just say what you think and if the writer likes your idea she'll use it. If she doesn't like she won't use it. Either way we say what we think and move on to the next on. I hope everyone will chime in and make an honest critique.
Yeah, yeah Leah. But I didn't mean to make you feel bad...come over with us into the sunshine and play! That corner can't be all that nice.
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